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How to Survive A Horror film?

A few weeks ago I got approached by ‘Man Crates’ to help them with their special Halloween Project.  Man Crates  is a company that ships awesome gifts – for mainly men – in wooden crates that has to be opened with a crowbar! As it is almost Halloween, I got asked to write a post talking about the things I would want to have in a crate if I was in a horror movie. Or better: How to make it to the end of a horror movie, alive?

Since I’m a sucker for horror films, and especially the ones which involves ghosts, I chose to be in a horror film where I might make it out alive: A slasher movie. No ghosts and other mythological creatures – which would only freak me out -, just a fight between actual human beings. It’s a good thing I recently saw “Scream: The TV Series”, so I know what to do and also what I shouldn’t do! So to fight a vicious killer and be the one who lives, I picked some useful tools for my special horror crate. Whereof I can put the contents into a reasonable sized backpack.

kill-bill-bride-vs-crazy88To outrun a murderer and be the strongest person in a fight, it comes handy to be in good shape. Knowing how to hit your enemy and defend yourself is also very useful – in any kind of horror film. But also being mentally in shape might help. When I’ve lost my friends and I’m completely on my own, I  can’t freak out and start acting crazy and make stupid decisions. Therefore I need the best self-defence book there is to prepare myself.

When I’ve outrun my attacker and I end up in the middle of nowhere, it’s nice to know where I am. A GPS app on my phone is the easiest way, but in case my mobile dies, I want a real GPS device in my crate to help me find my way back home. While I’m at it, I might want to restore my energy with some liquids and energetic food.

Since I don’t know where I might end up, how dark it is and how long I’ll be there, I want in my crate a flashlight with extra batteries, a warm sweater – in a dark colour ofcourse – and an extra battery for my phone..These things aren’t that big and it’s better to be fully prepared. Also it might be a good idea to call for help: police, trauma helicopter etcetera.Doors locked screamOkay, I might have outrun the killer, be warm and know where I am. But my attacker is still out there so he/she will show up at some point. He/she will go for the surprise attack, so I have to be cautious and alert even when I think I’m save in my own house. And that’s the second part. Now you’re ‘save’ in your own house, the attacker is still on the move to find you and then slaughter you. In many horror films doors are always locked. Someone is running and then boom! The door won’t open and what follows is a knife in the back. That will not happen to me since I have a key chain around my neck with all the keys of my house, perhaps a car key as well!

Since it’s either me or the killer who gets killed, I’ll make sure I carry something which can hurt him/her. Handling a gun and aiming it is too hard for me, especially when I’m on the run a for vicious killer. So in that case I definitely want a knife or twoThere are probably more things in my house I can use to knock the attacker down, like a chandelier or a lamp. But knives are definitely small things I want to have in my horror survival crate. To hurt the killer even more, I want a special knife: a serrated knife.

knife prison breakSince it’s either to kill or be killed, I have to finish the killer tonight. I have my knives, I know how to defend myself, but it’s time to make an emergency call as well – unless the killer has ‘infiltrated’ my phone. In that case I have to give everything I’ve got to end the murderer. My self-defence book will help me with that and it prevents me from making crazy decisions, like going into the basement. Also smashing the kneecaps sounds like a good idea!

Once the night is over I survived because of my amazing defending skills and the know-how of to make someone hurt. Of course reality might be something else, when you’re in the heat of the moment. Some become even more stronger, but others might freak out easier. The adrenaline boost some might get, is something which makes your chance to stay alive even bigger. So the last thing I need, is an adrenaline shot! Now you know what to do and what you need. One last advice: Don’t trust anyone! Good luck!

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4 thoughts on “How to Survive A Horror film?

  1. Yeah OK. You really thought this one through but you are a girl. This means in your horror movie you would have difficulties with finding the right key on your key chain 🙂 it simply takes you too much time to open the door and then…

    And I would still prefer a gun rather than 2 knives. Especially in this case where the distance between the killer and you isn’t that big. Everybody can hit something with a shotgun with a distance between them of a few meters.

    1. Hahaha! You’re probably right about the key thing 😉 as to having a gun, you could be right here too. However I wrote this for a sort of webshop and it didn’t feel right to ask for a gun in my crate xd 😉

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